Chanticleer Book Reviews

Tag: Surviving Loss

GUIDED: Lost Love, Hidden Realms, and the Open Road by Kirsten Throneberry – Memoirs, Surviving Loss, Spirituality

In her stunning memoir, Guided: Lost Love, Hidden Realms, and the Open Road, Kirsten Throneberry weaves together the highs and lows of a road trip packed with life wisdom, where she explores grief, spirituality, and rekindled hope.

Throneberry’s achingly vulnerable memoir splits its readers’ hearts and tenderly sews them back together.

In the aftermath of the devastating loss of her husband, Kirsten sells her home and takes her two small sons, two elderly pups, and eccentric mother on a year-long road trip around the United States in their new-to-them Bigfoot RV.

Encouraged by the same spirit guides whose earlier advice for her husband’s health left her broken and untrusting, Kirsten must learn to face the open road with an equally open heart and mind.

Kirsten forces herself past her comfort level, attempting to heal old wounds, confront and patch up her relationship with her mother, and curate a life of wonder and independence for her sons. All the while hoping that as she carries out her mission, she will somehow be able to restore her faith in her guides and herself.

Throneberry guides readers toward their own life-fulfilling adventures, reminding them, “The point is not simply to live, but to shake yourself awake, to open your eyes, eyelash after eyelash, until you finally understand your true nature.”

Learning to live through humble collaboration, true intuition, and radical acceptance is core to this heartwarming autobiography.

Throneberry intentionally exposes her life—both its exquisite beauty and deep suffering—in each and every sentence, creating a relationship with the reader that feels truly authentic.

First unfolding in Hawaii, the narrative follows the family to their home in Seattle and around the country until their journey leads them all the way back to the Pacific Northwest region. The intricate play between places, people, and timelines will make readers feel like they have returned home as well.

At times jaw-dropping terrifying, laugh-out-loud hilarious, and curl-up-in-the-fetal-position sad, Throneberry beautifully sculpts not one but five interwoven lives out of the rubble of life-altering loss.

Guided empowers readers to expand what they believe is possible and to connect with the guides that inspire them. Kirsten Throneberry is a vibrant and deeply empathetic storyteller. Bold, courageous, and attentive to delicate relationships, her story is studded with bright jewels of inspiration that will carry readers through their own difficult journeys.

Readers of Guided: Lost Love, Hidden Realms, and the Open Road will feel held by these pages, no matter what battles they face. After all, as Throneberry writes, “Despite the unexpected and sometimes heartbreaking twists and turns inherent in any life, we are never truly alone. Something is always pushing us forward, onto the next situation or person that will encourage our evolution.”

March 14, 2025
FISHING With HYENAS by Theresa Mathews – Life at Sea, Surviving Loss, Women’s Memoirs

Theresa Mathews’ memoir, Fishing with Hyenas, is filled with adventure, love, and the spirit of an explorer, all on the high seas. In the audio version, the author herself tells this gripping story of love and death, grief and recovery.

Mathews begins the book in a place most difficult for her. She takes us through her emotional devastation at the news of her husband’s death. We see all the stages of her grief from the initial call: denial, disbelief, bargaining, and finally acceptance. Readers will be hooked in the first chapter.

She then deftly fills in the gaps with the backstory of how she met her husband Bart, their first date, their decision to commit to one another, and her first time she went for a ride on his Harley. These are often hilarious recaps of her anger and frustration, and her examination of what this relationship with a man who loved the sea would mean for her city-girl life.

Mathews alternates between the present and past with perfect pacing, giving readers a balance between the immersion in and relief from the intense emotion of her husband’s unexpected death.

She perfectly captures the experience of grief, revealing her weaknesses and her strengths. The support she received—and the support she gives in return when tragedy hits the families of her friends—is truly inspiring.

Mathews paints the colorful world of what living and working on the ocean meant for Bart and herself.

She explores the limits of surviving on the Pacific in a tuna boat with a dead engine. She masterfully builds tension, then releases it, just as the ocean swells take hold of their boat, then release them. Mathews takes us through storms both emotional and meteorological, and by the time she wraps up this heartfelt memoir, we are on the other side of grief and loss and perhaps have a new idea of how to survive ourselves.

This memoir embraces reality head-on. It reveals the best and the worst about fishing: being at sea for months at a time, weathering monster storms with only a small crew to manage the onslaught of waves and high winds, and sometimes, dealing with the raw guilt of surviving that crashes down upon a person.

Old timers will appreciate reminiscing about fishing large schools with colorful jigs, when fish were still sold at market value.

Mathews captures the love of the sea held by her late husband and the members of the Hyenas—a name that has a fabulous story to tell on its own. She develops salty characters that we grow to love, only for us to grieve when they are gone. We relate to Mathews’ own grief and her struggles after Bart’s death. Even if we’re not fishermen, we easily understand the depths of her loss.

Readers of women’s fiction, memoir, fishing, boat stories, or survival stories will all draw something from this excellent audiobook of Mathews’ memoir Fishing with Hyenas. They’ll find much to laugh, cry, and get goosebumps about as they come to understand the many perils of loving a man who loves the sea.

This is a five-star listen!

Fishing with Hyenas won First Place in the 2017 CIBA Journey Awards for Narrative Non-Fiction.

December 6, 2024
A SKY Of INFINITE BLUE: A Japanese Immigrant’s Search for Home and Self by Kyomi O’Connor – Memoirs, Surviving Loss, Spirituality

“It’s my armor,” Kyomi O’Connor realizes, as she sees herself continuing life as normal after her husband dies of cancer.

Grief brings with it many companions: childhood trauma, memories of difficult seasons of life, triumphant moments of growth, epiphanies, healing, love. In A Sky of Infinite Blue, Japanese immigrant Kyomi O’Connor allows grief to open her heart to the lessons of her past.

In particular, she recognizes emotional armor that since childhood, she has built up, torn down, and built up again. Through her relationship with her husband, her devoted Buddhist practice, and her trust in her “Self,” Kyomi makes meaning of her life and redeems her darkest memories. Readers walk through these memories with her as the book shifts between past and present.

Kyomi is deeply guarded as a child.

She struggles to deal with her family’s dysfunction, gradually learning to distance herself emotionally as a means of protecting herself. She fashions her armor, wearing it for years. But, after immigrating to the US, she finds a reason to begin taking it off.

Kyomi falls in love with Patrick, as his warmth and care give her the strength to become truly vulnerable. His rich characterization invites readers to fall in love with him right alongside the author.

However, Kyomi’s vulnerability is tested when her father becomes ill and reignites old family tensions. By now, though, she’s strong enough to face this dysfunction head-on. Though her sisters have long since turned against their father, Kyomi guides them and their mother toward forgiveness and reconciliation. This redemptive arc cements the central guidance of the memoir: that emotional armor is a barrier to connection, but vulnerability can heal even what feels irrevocably broken.

Kyomi and Patrick explore Buddhism to honor her father’s last wish. The couple’s practice anchors them during the dark events to come.

Patrick’s career becomes brutally challenging, and Kyomi relies on Buddhism to handle the resulting complications in their relationship.

Then, when Patrick is diagnosed with cancer, Kyomi wrestles with the agony of watching her loved one decline. Only her spirituality and undying love for Patrick keep her sane.

However, Kyomi’s armor returns as she takes on the role of emotional caretaker at the expense of her own health.

Kyomi fades into the background and primarily reports on Patrick’s career and spiritual journey, leaving out her individual reflections and desires. The long nightmare of Patrick’s illness becomes all-consuming. These steps back show the natural struggle with emotional regression and re-healing that any daunting personal journey can stoke.

At times, the author rationalizes her overt caretaking as being rightfully supportive of Patrick, saying she is being called to be the foundation for them both. While she does occasionally acknowledge that her old, dysfunctional pattern of armor returned during those years, she turns to her spiritual practice and finds Buddhism serves as her own foundation.

Kyomi O’Connor will break your heart, heal it, and break it again, but she will keep reminding you to be vulnerable. Though she records many dark experiences, her message is ultimately one of “wisdom, loving kindness, and compassion.”

This book will appeal to readers in search of validation of grief or guidance in lowering emotional barriers. Those interested in the rich insights of Buddhism can also learn much about the spiritual practice through Kyomi’s journey, and those with complicated family histories will relate to Kyomi’s efforts to untangle her past.

March 8, 2024
CATCHING RAIN: A Woman Rediscovers Herself in Stories Her Lover has Forgotten by Sandi Paris – Memoirs, Surviving Loss, Dementia

Sandi Paris’s Catching Rain is a remarkable tribute to life and all that it brings.

The opening sentence of the first chapter, “My lover has left me” introduces the anguished voice of the author who feels abandoned when her beloved husband forgets her secrets. This powerful memoir weaves provocative and inspiring memories of the past through stages of her husband’s rare dementia. Paris uses humor and occasional rage to fuel her journey through the catastrophe of his illness, while readers are invited to laugh through tears.

A diagnosis of FTD (Frontotemporal Deterioration) shatters the beautiful life Sandi Paris and her husband Randy Brown created. Having an explanation of why his brilliant mind and athletic, 6’3” body are faltering at such a young age does not prepare them for the devastation to come. Careers end and dreams of the future crumble while bank accounts are drained. The spectacular wildlife garden they developed together is still young when it becomes clear that their community cannot meet the growing challenges of FTD. As Randy’s bizarre behaviors increase, Paris desperately seeks the care her devoted life partner is denied. Once that care is secured, she must fight to maintain it.

The vivid memories that weave through Catching Rain are told in the style of epistolary writings to the author’s spouse when he no longer remembers how she became the woman he loved. Readers are immersed in both past and present when vignettes rise during poignant or outrageous present-day experiences with dementia. Retelling her stories infuses the author with love and determination.

This consciously focused literary composition exposes gaps in the safety net of dementia care and end-of-life choices. It also reflects on broader societal issues that continue to be relevant today. By revisiting the values shared with her husband, Paris resurrects the deep intimacy and trust their relationship took root in. The heart wrenching story of her disabled son’s birth reminds her to stand and speak for Randy when he loses his voice. Revisiting experiences of religious intolerance prepares her to protect him from people who attempt to override his personal values and wishes.

By retelling horrifying generational experiences of misogyny and patriarchy, Paris is reminded how Randy himself made changes that gave her hope. Describing his anguish over the brutal murder of their gay friends, brings focus to the ongoing need to ensure social and racial justice for everyone, including our LBGTQ communities. Catching Rain promotes change by infusing personal experiences with broader social advocacy.

Sandi Paris and others like her are relentless in their pursuit of respectfully compassionate care for those facing devastating conditions like FTD. Catching Rain will resonate and impart wisdom and grit to readers who feel alone with their own struggles through end-of-life care and decision making. It also serves as a resource for caregivers and loved ones by providing detailed descriptions of Randy’s disease progression along with suggestions for financial survival and creative management of dementia behaviors or administrative mishaps.

What begins as a head-on confrontation with FTD dementia eventually surrenders to the inevitable. Acceptance brings a measure of peace at the end of Randy’s life. These intensely intimate stories are intended to honor both tragic and joyful moments. Readers are encouraged to get uncomfortable and accept unexpected burdens. Paris challenges us to climb the damn mountain!

Sandi Paris lights a light with Catching Rain that illuminates her journey of love in action. It is highly recommended!

Catching Rain by Sandi Paris won First Place in the 2022 CIBA Journey Awards for Overcoming Adversity Non-Fiction.

July 24, 2023
DEMENTIA HOME CARE: How to Prepare Before, During, and After by Tracy Cram Perkins – Patient Caregiving, Alzheimer’s Disease, Surviving Loss

Dementia Home Care: How to Prepare Before, During, and After, by Tracy Cram Perkins, offers the lived experience of a caregiver, sharing the experiences that impressed upon her the enormity of the physical, emotional, and psychological task she undertook.

These same experiences made Perkins aware of the dearth of practical resources for the novice embarking on this journey. She hopes to fill that gap with this comprehensive, “user-friendly” guide that goes well beyond the limits of a self-help book, impersonal how-to manual, or clinical tome. From Dementia Home Care, readers will gain new insights into human behavior and how to become an effective caregiver without sacrificing their own well-being.

Perkins’ written voice captivates from the beginning. Her first-person accounts of caring for afflicted loved ones are both relatable and authentic. The reader will find themself laughing aloud, or filled with dread, as the author recounts actual experiences that are otherwise hard to imagine happening to oneself.

Perkins’s book explores issues that can stymie the well-meaning, ill-equipped caregiver.

Unexpected situations and/or inexplicable behaviors tend to push one to react first and reflect later. Dementia Home Care not only reveals the sublimated emotional reactions which can skew a caregiver’s perception–and reactions–but also reaffirms the uniquely human qualities of caregiving that often go untapped and unrecognized.

This amazingly comprehensive book seems to address all questions a reader might have.

It contains sections from the commitment of a caregiver and the realities of hands-on challenges, to what happens when the loved one dies, and everything in between.

Perkins includes chapters dealing with legal nuts and bolts, as well as details that one might not have thought about. From emergency preparedness to closing social media accounts to dealing with social security, creditors, and the tax man. She even discusses one’s own emotional functioning after their caregiver role has ended.

Readable, practical, and informative, Perkins’ book is a valuable tool not only for the “home” caregiver, but for any facilities providing eldercare, and for individuals as they move along their personal paths toward old age.

Dementia Home Care by Tracy Cram Perkins won First Place in the 2022 CIBA I&I Awards for Instruction & Insight Non-Fiction.

July 17, 2023
FISHING WITH HYENAS by Theresa Mathews – Narrative Non-Fiction, Memoir, Sea-Faring, Romance

Romance, typhoons, and exotic scenery highlight this exceptional sea-faring memoir about love and surviving loss by debut author, Theresa Mathews.

When the author first meets Bart, he strikes her as a “wonderful blend of sophistication and blue collar.” Captain of a fishing boat, he prowls the seas for albacore, the long-fin tuna beloved of sushi fans. To hook up with this romantic figure, Mathews must accept the reality of connection with one of the “Hyenas”—a group of hardy fishermen (and some women) who give each other humorous nicknames and look after one another at sea and “on the beach” (their term for being on dry land). Bart fishes for three-month stretches, so it isn’t long before Mathews decides to drop her professional career and sign on as the cook and a deckhand on his next voyage.

On that voyage, Mathews learns more than she ever imagined about the perils and pleasures of the sea, tuna fishing, and—herself. She hauls in the big fish, cutting and wounding her hands so severely she can barely hold a toothbrush. She cooks and also keeps watch, once needing the assistance of a fellow crewman to avoid a close encounter with another vessel.

It gradually becomes clear, as the Hyenas often say, that “Mother Ocean” changes a person. On land, Bart is talkative and flirtatious; at sea, he is the Captain with no time for chitchat. On their last voyage together, the couple, now married, discovers that the going rate for a tuna haul is half what it had been. They are beyond broke, so Bart keeps fishing while Mathews stays on land and works. Then she receives a call—her beloved husband has died at sea of a heart attack.

Flashing from the shock of that news to the halcyon, sometimes perilous and often amusing days at sea with a cast of colorful characters too fascinating to be fictional, Fishing With Hyenas evokes heartthrob and heartbreak. Mathews’ creative competence is beyond question, as this skillfully constructed narrative attests. Well-chosen photographs bring the episodes alive.

The memoir is partly catharsis and partly a paean to Bart and his many staunch friends. Mathews deftly weaves the lore of the independent fishermen and adventures on the water through every page: the rescue of a kitten, the freeing of a bird, camaraderie among fishing families, and the occasional spectacular sunset.

The aftermath of Bart’s death leaves Mathews grief-stricken, penniless and fighting for his legacy—the boat he had borrowed everything to possess. But we know from her courageous account that Mathews will overcome any hardship—having experienced a weathered life at sea and the loss of a good man.

Fishing With Hyenas won 1st Place in the JOURNEY Awards, the narrative non-fiction category of the Chanticleer International Book Awards in 2017.

August 22, 2018