Tag: Biographies

“It’s my armor,” Kyomi O’Connor realizes, as she sees herself continuing life as normal after her husband dies of cancer.

Grief brings with it many companions: childhood trauma, memories of difficult seasons of life, triumphant moments of growth, epiphanies, healing, love. In A Sky of Infinite Blue, Japanese immigrant Kyomi O’Connor allows grief to open her heart to the lessons of her past.

In particular, she recognizes emotional armor that since childhood, she has built up, torn down, and built up again. Through her relationship with her husband, her devoted Buddhist practice, and her trust in her “Self,” Kyomi makes meaning of her life and redeems her darkest memories. Readers walk through these memories with her as the book shifts between past and present.

Kyomi is deeply guarded as a child.

She struggles to deal with her family’s dysfunction, gradually learning to distance herself emotionally as a means of protecting herself. She fashions her armor, wearing it for years. But, after immigrating to the US, she finds a reason to begin taking it off.

Kyomi falls in love with Patrick, as his warmth and care give her the strength to become truly vulnerable. His rich characterization invites readers to fall in love with him right alongside the author.

However, Kyomi’s vulnerability is tested when her father becomes ill and reignites old family tensions. By now, though, she’s strong enough to face this dysfunction head-on. Though her sisters have long since turned against their father, Kyomi guides them and their mother toward forgiveness and reconciliation. This redemptive arc cements the central guidance of the memoir: that emotional armor is a barrier to connection, but vulnerability can heal even what feels irrevocably broken.

Kyomi and Patrick explore Buddhism to honor her father’s last wish. The couple’s practice anchors them during the dark events to come.

Patrick’s career becomes brutally challenging, and Kyomi relies on Buddhism to handle the resulting complications in their relationship.

Then, when Patrick is diagnosed with cancer, Kyomi wrestles with the agony of watching her loved one decline. Only her spirituality and undying love for Patrick keep her sane.

However, Kyomi’s armor returns as she takes on the role of emotional caretaker at the expense of her own health.

Kyomi fades into the background and primarily reports on Patrick’s career and spiritual journey, leaving out her individual reflections and desires. The long nightmare of Patrick’s illness becomes all-consuming. These steps back show the natural struggle with emotional regression and re-healing that any daunting personal journey can stoke.

At times, the author rationalizes her overt caretaking as being rightfully supportive of Patrick, saying she is being called to be the foundation for them both. While she does occasionally acknowledge that her old, dysfunctional pattern of armor returned during those years, she turns to her spiritual practice and finds Buddhism serves as her own foundation.

Kyomi O’Connor will break your heart, heal it, and break it again, but she will keep reminding you to be vulnerable. Though she records many dark experiences, her message is ultimately one of “wisdom, loving kindness, and compassion.”

This book will appeal to readers in search of validation of grief or guidance in lowering emotional barriers. Those interested in the rich insights of Buddhism can also learn much about the spiritual practice through Kyomi’s journey, and those with complicated family histories will relate to Kyomi’s efforts to untangle her past.